Dr. Tweet or: How I Learned to Stop Whining and Love Web 2.0

I have been using the Internet longer than you. You can’t argue with me about this, it’s a fact. Well maybe you can if you work for DARPA. 

There have been so many trends, gizmos, fads and various forms of online tom-foolery that one would be challenged to follow them all. The average person could seriously waste, oops, invest their entire day blogging, tweeting, poking, IMing, DIGGing, Blipping and Google-ing their way to quitting time. Hold on one minute, I have to search for a Yngwie Malmsteen torrent before my boss comes back. BRB.

Okay, back on my soapbox. I do not have a MySpace or Facebook page. Yes, it is true and as stunning as this might be, I can report that life as I know it has not ended and I have not spontaneously combusted. I realize that this seems like a minor thing but think about it for a second. I’ll bet that you have either Facebook or MySpace. Maybe you have both. Do you know many people, any people, which can both use a computer and make such a statement? In fact, I am not only a “tech guy” but an early-adopter as well. I am such an early adopter of technology and online whatsits that way back when, my AOL screen name was actually my first name…without numbers.

But I made a decision and I was going to stick to my guns, no Facebook or MySpace for me. Although there has been no sudden bleeding, anal leakage, hair loss or an erection that lasted for more than four hours (*sigh) this decision has not been entirely painless. I can’t count the number of times I was successfully chatting-up an attractive, albeit quasi intoxicated, woman in one of my favorite watering holes only to go down in flames when she pops the question. “So, what’s your MySpace page?”

Whatever happened to phone numbers? Why is my email address, of which I have a couple, not good enough? I didn’t realize that our society went through some bizarre transformation in which utilization of MySpace is an essential pre-coital qualification. Rather than give in I rebelled and became more firm in my resolve. After all, I do use LinkedIn but that is a business tool instead of a toy. Right?

I am proud to announce that I’m still a conscientious objector and continue to refrain from MySpace and Facebook. It probably looks funny, professing to be a Facebook Luddite in a blog. I am not a lumberjack decrying deforestation; I still do not see the need. My feelings are pretty well captured by this video http://tinyurl.com/cye3xk.

Oh, but I do Tweet.

My initial view of Twitter was about the same as MySpace, I could not see the point. Here, another video that read my mind http://tinyurl.com/atyy54. I resisted Twitter like the Obama administration resists economic viability. Sorry, wrong blog. I just didn’t see how Twitter would enhance my life or give me resources that I did not already have.

Somebody told me about Twitter. I checked it out and didn’t see what all the fuss was about. As an expert in search engine optimization and online marketing I saw an application. But since I’m not a TV host, magazine publisher, or consumer electronics maker I didn’t see the need for me. After all, I’m trying to be a blogger. Why do I want to be a “micro-blogger?”  I already have unlimited text messaging on my cell phone. Why did I need text messages from strangers neatly organized into a web browser?

But then I blipped.

I was turned on to Blip.fm and it resonated with me immediately. I love music. I listen to music all day. My iPod is truly the soundtrack of my life. When I found Blip.fm, after sacrificing a workday to the Blip gods, I was hooked. I search for the most esoteric music from my youth and impress my new web friends with my varied taste and vast musical knowledge.

Quick shout-out to my Blip peeps, what’s shakin’ @RadioFreeIllinois @photogurrl and @vaniakg? Nice Tina Turner selection @ImAnElectricDuck. I’m digging the new profile pic @LexiePixie. 

But Blip.fm kept pulling me back to Twitter. Damn it man, don’t they know that I’m not one to fall for such obvious ploys? I did not get it, what is the magic dust, the transcendental connection?

Hey @organicgirl, a Marty Robbins track? Are you feeling a bit down today girl?

But then came the Eureka moment. My blips could automatically be posted to my tweets, whatever those are. So if I was feeling like telling the world that I was in a Johnny Cash kind of mood I could Blip it and tweet it at the same time. So I gave in and opened up a new world.

I set up a few tweets to follow that immediately came to mind. Wired magazine just tweeted that RFID in Helmets Could Help Find Overheating Football Players in Real-Time http://tinyurl.com/daabfn. Hmm, that is some valuable information that might just come in handy for a little conversational fodder with my drinking buddies. All week Palm has been teasing me with tweets about the Palm Pre, their latest phone. Of course they have not given me any valuable information like the date it will be available. But apparently it was a hit on Jimmy Fallon. Hey Palm, I’ll write a review if you send me a Pre. It’s a great deal; I have like three or four readers so you get exposure and I get to play with the phone you have been dangling in my face since the Consumer Electronics Show.

Twitter is not all wine and roses because there are a few obvious flaws. For example, I am now being followed by @ImGoingToEatYourSpleen. I am quite sure that Mr. or Ms. Spleen is quite a lovely person but the name suggests a little unresolved anger that I just don’t have the time for right now. Perhaps you have been shut out from your job at Stanford Financial and just need a good meal. But you’re looking in the wrong place because my ex wife has already called dibs on my spleen. Oh wait, if Ms. Spleen actually is my ex wife, tweet me. I’ll have my spleen available to be picked up at your attorney’s office.

But seriously, web gizmos can be vulnerable to attack. If a company or organization uses a web tool it does not control for official communication with customers, such an attack can cause great damage. For example, In January an 18 year old hacker admitted that he was able to take control of any Twitter account through brute-force hacking the password. This is not so surprising because whenever you combine personal information and passwords some 18 year old hacker is going to take a shot. The implications can be fairly dramatic considering that one of the accounts he penetrated belongs to President Obama.

Twitter took the necessary steps to prevent this sort of hack but there are other issues that remain. It seems that anyone can set up an account on Twitter and pose as whoever they like. The comedic possibilities are endless but so are the risks. On Twitter there is an account @berniemadoff. A quick scan of the posts suggests that this is not really maintained by Bernie or his lawyers.

“Whats with this prick in india stealing my ponzi/fraud thunder at Satyam. Actually we own that stock. Hope Cox at the SEC sold it for me.”

“Been too busy hiding money and jewels to tweet. sorry all. Hope you were with me on that $bac short from December 14th. Abby the lez wasnt”

Interesting Bernie, you have a right to be pissed. But sadly, I do not think this is really you. Although he has a number of followers, this “Bernie” appears to only be following one person…@HenryPaulson. Based on this tweet from January 23rd, I dont think this is owned by the real former Treasury Secretary either.

“BACK IN PRIVATE LIFE! SINGING ‘AT LAST’ & SLOW DANCING WITH MY CAT. I’M RICH IN SO MANY WAYS.”

But the tweet from January 16th is my favorite.

“CAPTAIN SULLENBERGER YOU CAN HAVE MY JOB. PLEA$E LAND THI$ PLANE!”

But I do see the value of Twitter now. The commercial implications are really interesting. In my work I am focused on methods to better connect customers and marketers. The ability to share ideas, connect thoughts and knowledge-workers are amazing. I can remember a time when people said they would never use their credit card to buy something online. Everything has flaws when they are new. If they are online it sometimes takes an 18 year old smartass to bring them out and get them fixed.

So I will continue tweeting and finding useful applications for Twitter. But as far as Facebook and MySpace are concerned I will continue to do my “poking” in much more intimate settings.